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Finding a bed that does not sink when sitting beside your partner

27 Sep 2019 14:36 - 27 Sep 2019 15:27 #1 by Vicente
I have been struggling to find a mattress that is conforming, somewhere between medium/firm, but that does not feel like my partner and I "sink" when we are sitting or laying in bed beside each other, as in the weight of one person drags the other person in. I am 165 lbs and 5 foot 7 and my girl is 133 lbs and same height as me. We are mostly side and back sleepers.

I have done much researching and have purchased a couple of mattresses which I will have to return soon, by this point I am quite exhausted.

My first attempt was with novosbed, which we did not like at all, sure it is conforming and did get better around the 2nd week... but the moment we get close in bed, we end up in this sinking vortex, and on top that the memory foam makes it feel like quicksand, so when one of us tries to get some distance we have to make an effort to make out of "the hole".

My second attempt is with Luma, we bought a hybrid latex. I told them my story about how we were sinking gave them our details (weight and size) and according to them we would be fine and not sink. So in the end we gave it a chance and we are reaching the 2nd week mark. The bed did become firmer around the 3rd-4th day. But we still sink, my weight attracts her to me and viceversa, we end up sinking whcih means we can't sleep close together since it becomes uncomfortable. It's a shame becuase I do feel like the Luma mattress is comfortable and good quality. I definitely like latex more than anything else I've tried, but I do think it would be nice to have some sort of wool top layer or cushion as to not sleep directly on the latex. I also found the medium Talalay quite soft.

We live in Canada, so buying from the US makes it a bit more expensive (shipping/customs)...

I really need help and advice, if anyone can point out what to look for in a bed so we dont sink and draw each other in or can point to any mattress brand that would be great.

Before we had a 300$ ikea bed with a 1inch layer of firm memory foam with a foam base and this didnt happen. But we moved into a new place and decided that we would upgrade our bed and leave the old one in the guest room.

Any advice is much appreicated.

Thanks! :)
Last edit: 27 Sep 2019 15:27 by Vicente.

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27 Sep 2019 17:51 #2 by Vicente
Please let me know if I have posted this in the wrong area of the forum, this is my first time posting here and wasn't sure if this subject is posted in the right place.

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28 Sep 2019 17:32 #3 by Sensei
Hi Vicente,

Welcome to the forum :).

Thanks for the post, and sorry to hear about the Luma mattress not working out. So your BMI is 25.8, pretty low actually, and your girl or partners BMI is just over 20, also quite low.

Luma Sleep, like all of our trusted mattress members is very transparent with their materials. They only have 2 coil bases, the bolsa and quantum elite (combi zone), and the quantum is clearly the firmer unit, why didn't you just get the Hybrid Slumber system? Also, the 28 ILD Talalay is too soft?

Of course, you can exchange the 28ild, and get a 36ild with the Luma Sleep Comfort Exchange program, but I'm not sure what your issue is. Are you saying that when you and your partner are lying flat on the mattress you are "sinking" in toward each other? With 4 inches of latex and new L&P coils system? Maybe I am misunderstanding?

find a mattress that is conforming, somewhere between medium/firm, but that does not feel like my partner and I "sink" when we are sitting or laying in bed beside each other, as in the weight of one person drags the other person in. I am 165 lbs and 5 foot 7 and my girl is 133 lbs and same height as me. We are mostly side and back sleepers.

This is why it is really hard for you and companies like Luma Sleep. There are too many unknowns, variables, and personal preferences involved that are unique to each person to use a formula or for anyone to be able to predict or make a specific recommendation about which mattress or combination of materials and components or which type of mattress would be the best "match" for you.

You guys are Side / back sleepers, and low bmi and want a medium/firm mattress - its very understandable that a lot of our member companies would not think you would sink in toward each other with - Bolsa + 2" 75k density Dunlop latex, + 2" of 28 ild Talalay. I mean any people sitting on the side of the bed, that seems normal to sink in toward each other.

Of course, you can find and ask questions with our Mattress Expert members , but are you looking for advice to help you with Luma or are you going to return the Luma and start shopping for your third mattress?

The only way to know for certain whether any specific mattress will be a suitable choice that provides you with both the right comfort/pressure relief and support/alignment will be based on your own careful testing or your own personal experience when sleeping. Different people can have very different needs and preferences in a mattress in terms of comfort, firmness, and PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and your own Personal preferences). Also what is considered firm for one person, can be soft for another.

I think in the future you can be quite clear that you need the base support of your mattress to be FIRM, this "preference" is clearly very very important to communicate when you do future mattress shopping. What part of Canada are you in?

Thanks for the post, let us know what way you are leaning and we can try to help.


Sensei(@ TMU Team)
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28 Sep 2019 19:38 - 28 Sep 2019 19:40 #4 by Vicente
Hey thanks for getting back to me.

I did speak with Luma and told them my story with the novosbed of how the weight of one person would pull the other one in. Like if we lay close together you can feel how the other persons weight is pulling the mattress down... So, yes we would need the base to be firm but not necessarily say the first 3-4 inches. I did find that 28 ILD Talalay from Luma was quite soft for something labeled as medium, but then again this is just my personal opinion. Luma said I would not have this issue (sinking when close to partner) with the hybrid latex and that the hybrid slumber system would not be necessary for us, which I appreciated how they did not try to sell me into the more expensive model. We spoke again and they did mention that our combined weight, 290lbs, would be too much for that coil system and that it would give in and sink... therefore just a topper exchange would not be a solution.

I should have been more adamant about how I wanted a firm base.

We live near Vancouver (Squamish, BC). Today we went to the only store in the area that has mattresses, and they carry all the big brands. We tried all of them and only liked one. Which was a Stearns and Foster Firm Hybrid with a pillowtop of some sort of gel memory foam, which truly didnt feel too much like memory foam, and we did find this one to be conforming and "soft" but at the same time maintained it's shape and was not possible to sink in, as well as holding a strong edge ( I like to sleep near the edge). I have read to stay away from the big brands... But this was 50% off or more, leaving it at the same price as the Luma... So it does seem like an opportunity...

Living in Canada makes it so if I order from the US I have to pay part of the shipping + customs and if I have to return the bed then I'm losing money... for this reason it's a big risk for me.

I'm at a loss of what to do, but I may just end up buying the S&F hybrid unless I get a chance of somehow trying another bed.

Are there any matress stores in the Vancouver area that you would recommend?

I went to essentia, but it seemed a bit overpriced for the quality/build they were offering.

Thank you so much for your help.
Last edit: 28 Sep 2019 19:40 by Vicente.

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